18 January 2026 · Journal

The quiet cost of vanity funnels

Helen-side notes from critiqueFunnels

Hands reviewing printed charts and a calculator on a dark desk

A seven-step checkout funnel in which steps two through four are “viewed page”, “page became visible”, and “scrolled 10%” is not analysis. It is a staircase drawn so the first drop looks small. The money still leaves between “tapped pay” and “paid”.

Finance already uses the last step. Product meetings burn time on the decorative ones. App Analytics earns trust when the funnel has as many steps as there are decisions, and no more.

A test we use in the room

For each step, name the person who would change work if that step moved. If you cannot, delete the step from the board pack. Keep the event in the warehouse if engineering needs it; do not let it onto the slide.

Students in funnel honesty week of Signal Cartography usually arrive with extra steps they inherited from a vendor template. Templates are not guilty. Presenting them as a product story is.

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